Updated: Aug 22, 2021
Someone else's mistreatment of you is a definer of their character, not yours! Why do we have a tendency to personally take on as a part of our identity or sense of self worth based off of how someone else treats us? When their behavior and treatment towards us is really never even about us. It is speaking volumes all about the person who is projecting this. It is reflecting their character, their true nature, their mindset and their own personal stance on life, not yours. It is an inside view of their ability, or lack thereof to cope with their own emotions in a given situation. Someone who is being rude to you is acting out based upon their own feelings of unhappiness Which, when this happens it is a poor choice in behavior on their part. It is a feeling within them that they are having a reaction to, not you. It is showing you where they currently are. This has nothing to do with you. How someone else behaves and responds in life is based off of their own thoughts, assumptions, beliefs, word.ws and actions. Which is what your now witnessing and experiencing in their actions and behavior. It is their choice.
Yet we take that energy on as a personal attack because they are projecting it in our direction, using you as a means to act it out. When we step back and look at this from a logical point, and not an emotional one, we can start letting it go. There will no longer be a sense or need to internalize it as an assignment on you. We need to really start looking within and identifying our own sense of self worth and value. Time you lock that into place, instead of it being flimspy like our emotions, and subject to change. All wrongly based off behavior of others or conditions that may be occuring around us.
What we need to do is hold steadfast to our own sense of self worth and value. Let it be a more stable and secure force within us, just like one does with our morals and integrity. We do not change our morals or integrity based upon ANY outside condition. We hold them solid and securely in place, no matter the circumstance or condition that is taking place outside of ourselves. We would not let anyone or anything else sway us from our original values and integrity. This is the same concept and mentality that will serve you well when applied to your own sense of value and worth. It is where we need to house our sense of self worth and value. That way, nothing can impact us, weaken us or erode our sense of true self.
When we tie our sense of worth or value to another person based of their biased beliefs , judgements, opinion, mistreatment of us, or rejection, what we are essentially doing is a form of self abandonment. We are no longer honoring ourself, it is instead, putting us in a weakened state of mind. You do NOT have to take on someone else's stance or opinion of your regarding your sense of worth. Take a step back to view the bigger picture here. If it is a wound you hold within you that is being triggered,(example: Say you are sensitive about your weight, someone makes snide remark, you would take offense.) an area that you are sensitive to and that is where you tend to take on someone else's point of view as a personal definer or attack on you. When it never is, it is just triggering a belief that you are holding within you about you,(that you need to release) that causes you to feel it is an assignment from them about you, when it never is. You just took it that way.
That is what you are responding to. In order for you not to take it in and let it effect your self worth or self esteem, you would have to do the internal work to let go & heal that wound. This is the part you have full control over. When that occurs, you would no longer be sensitive to that subject or treatment. As you see, both you and the other person are misplacing your assumptions/beliefs and it is impacting you in a negative way. There are parts that the other person is responsible for (their words, actions and behavior.) As well as their are parts within you (your wound that gets triggered causes you to take it on as a personal attack or assignment.) When you see this, you can now let go of how it affects you. Know that their behavior is not yours to correct or take on personally. But this does bring up an opportunity for you to go within an heal parts of you that are sensitive to certain things, that are asking you to let go. Especially when it is pertaining to a faulty premise or mindset you are holding about yourself.
This is where your power is, as you can only feel hurt or triggered by a belief that you are holding as true within you. It is your story telling yourself about this that is hurting you, Your own internal dialogue or inner chatter, which is what you need to find a way to shift. This is where you need to nurture and tend to yourself until it is no longer an issue for you. Once you clear it, you are no longer be at the mercy of someone else. How they treat, mistreat, judge or criticize you will no longer be a source of pain for you. This my friend is what I call not just healing, but true and absolute freedom. It is a gift, one only you can provide to yourself.
To put this simply, there are only 2 steps here for you to accomplish a new sense of self.
1. Realize someone else's behavior, is based on their beliefs. It speaks only of them and reflects on their character, not yours.
2. If you are triggered it is because of a wound you are holding, from a belief about yourself (based on your internal dialogue, the story your telling yourself something means) that you need to shift so you can heal.