BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
What happens when we silence or shame the victim of abuse is twofold and has compound effects.
Impact on the abuser:
*Empowers the abuser *Allows the abuser to continue the abuse *Creates an environment that encourages abuse *Puts others in jeopardy of being victimized and abused *Releases the abuser of their accountability for their own actions
Impact on the victim:
*Increases victims fear of speaking out *Isolates the victim and increases their sense of shame *Validates their feelings of being unseen/heard *Jeopardizes the victim *Keeps the victim stuck in uncertainty and insecurity *Builds the belief the victim is at fault or unworthy *Increases their sense of distrust of others from your lack of acknowledgment and support
Love does NOT hurt or cause you to constantly question your own sanity.
But ABUSE & MANIPULATION does.
Know the difference.
Begin Healing The Shame Within
You are lovable as is right now. This is exactly what unconditional love is.
Not after you accomplish something. As is meaning along WITH your imperfections.
The whole package is our strengths and weaknesses combined.
Not one of us is perfect, and that is okay, so relax.
Start embracing this truth.
You are lovable as is, period
Begin Healing The Shame Within
Their emotional immaturity is their issue along with their responsibility.
Their inability to control their temper and behavior is their issue and also their responsibility.
Their mistreatment & abuse of you is under THEIR control: it was THEIR choice.
It is up to them to manage their own behavior and actions.
Do you see a pattern here? It is not about you.
Remember they alone are responsible, period. Let's be clear. It's a pretty simple concept.
begin healing the shame within
Silencing and shaming the victim only empowers the abuser. Allowing the abuser free reign to continue the cycle of abuse. This emboldens them and creates an environment to where they can seek out and harm more victims.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
Do NOT count on the abuser to stop or change their ways by discontinuing the abuse.
That mindset will keep you in a living hell.
As they gain and benefit from their actions at YOUR expense.
Your pain is their power.
It's when you decide to remove yourself from the equation, then and only then, will that cycle of abuse END for you.
Begin Healing The Shame Within
We need to teach our children how to love themselves. The only way to do this is to lead by example.
Your loving and honoring yourself and holding true to your boundaries show them how to do the same.
beginhealingtheshamewithin.com
Keep your dignity and walk away from their mistreatment and abuse. You are too valuable to tolerate any disrespect, remember that.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
When someone who was abused loses a loved one that was their strength, safe place, and emotional support it shakes their whole foundation to the core.
Losing the one who unconditionally loved you can breed such a sense of uncertainty and insecurity which can compound their grief.
Begin Healing the Shame Within
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy Beginhealingtheshamewithin.com
"When you embrace & uphold yourself in love and acceptance you have reached the destination that no one else can let you down."
GRACE
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
Ah yes, the benefits of grace. Why did I fall in love with grace? Because my inner critic can be a harsh cold-hearted B!t(h.
Tearing me apart for every single imperfection.
I needed a reprieve, That's why.
"Emotions of guilt, shame and resentment all point to an underlying need. It is showing you there is a part within you, that is begging for your own attention. Asking you to step up and apply self acceptance and grace."
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
You got to feel all the feels if you want to fully heal your wounds.
Begin Healing the Shame Within
Do not let your ego and pride get in the way of love. If you do that often enough that unconditional love someone has for you may just wither away. Especially if it is NOT equally given.
As no one is required to love you, especially if you withhold love or do not reciprocate it. Or worse mistreat them in any manner.
Remember unconditional love is a gift and a choice they provide to you out of their kindness and good nature.
And if loving you causes that person to have to sacrific their own dignity and self- love in order to keep the relationship do not be surprised if they reach a breaking point and choose to walk away.
Pay attention to those people who are consistently careless or crass with your feelings. It shows you exactly where you stand with them.
Just because you value them, does not mean they value or respect you.
Examine whom you place in your 1st slot of life.
No longer allow it to be anyone who does not reciprocate your kindness and compassion.
Begin Healing The Shame Within
I Will Love Myself
I will love myself here, I will love myself there, I will love myself EVERYWHERE!
Mistakes and all, I will stand tall.
With my head held high, I kiss my fears and worries goodbye.
I am open to being empowered, so I am no longer needing to cower when in the path of a storm.
I let all the guilt and shame melt, so my inner peace can be felt.
I meet my potential with grace, so I can run the full length of this race.
I leave this empty abyss, so I can now live a life of bliss.
This is my new foundation, allowing this place for my realization.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
Their feelings
Their emotions
Their anger
Their cruelty
Their abuse
Their lack of physical & verbal control
Their bitterness
Their revenge
Their actions
Their responses
ALL HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON.
IT IS THEIR CONSEQUENCES TO PAY. THEY ARE THE ONE TO BE JUDGED AND HELD ACCOUNTABLE HERE,
NOT YOU! TELL ME AGAIN WHAT PART YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR?
I do not regret how I love. However, I do regret my choice in whom I loved. In the end, I would have fared better and saved myself a world of hurt if I would have just kept and applied that love toward myself.
Begin Healing The Shame Within
The abuser is the person who is responsible. The victim is not.
The abuser is the person who made the choice and performed the action or behavior. The victim did not.
Definition of a victim: A person harmed, injured, or killed by ANOTHER person's action.
Tell me again where and how the victim becomes the one responsible?
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
"The judgements you place upon others only shackles and hinders you. It errodes the bridge to understanding. "
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
Compassion and grace are two of the most valuable tools one can apply toward self.
Use generously. After all, they are free.
You can build this skill set but it requires practice and patience.
Children learn what they live, not what you preach.
When you stay in an abusive relationship you teach them you are not valuable. Thus, they are not valuable.
It also teaches them to place their love for another above their love for themselves. This dramatically increases their chances of being involved in their own cycle of abuse when they get older.
Stop sacrificing your safety, well-being, and boundaries for their disrespect and mistreatment.
Love does not require you to suffer at the hand of abuse, EVER!!
Begin Healing The Shame Within
I am loved
I am empowered
I am joyful
I am satisfied
I am free
I am connected
I am me!
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
Begin Healing the Shame Within
Grief & the loss of a loved one is hard. It becomes a much more complex event for those who were abused. When the person they lost was their only source of a safe & loving place in those moments of chaos and horror. This loss can also intensify a sense of fear.
Healing requires the building blocks of self-compassion and love. Without them the foundation is weak.
"Show me all of you, the deep secret hiddens place within that make you feel vulnerable, broken, and unworthy. I will be with you right by your side. Supporting you through these moments. Reminding you of ALL of your worth and value. Until that moment comes, where you can see it again for yourself. Together we will move through these moments & come out stronger because of it."
Created and written by Cyndi Leahy
You continually putting me off and making me last on your list has taught me a valuable lesson.
It made me realize what I'm missing is not you after all. It is only parts of myself that I long for. Like my self-respect and dignity.
Thank you for that reminder.
Begin Healing the Shame Within
Stop to reflect and ask yourself, "How much love and approval can you comfortably hold for yourself?" This will provide you insights on where your current level of self worth resides. It is time to do the inner work on increasing that level. Move that bar you had previously set.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
It is sad when we grow up with a parent(s) that is supposed to love us unconditionally and protect us but instead we grow up with one that we have to guard, protect, and remove ourselves from.
Begin Healing The Shame Within
"Life is tough, and the world may even be cruel at times. People may judge and dismiss me. They may even beat me up, tear me down, mistreat or belittle me. But guess what?
I learned to not take it personally and I choose to rise above it. As NO ONE can impact how I show up for ME. I do so in love and full acceptance. As I am my own source of love and approval, forevermore I will be."
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
BEGINHEALINGTHESHAMEWITHIN.COM
When you are treated bad long enough you start to feel bad. As if something is wrong with you. If that continues, you start to believe "you" are bad. Which is not true.
The truth is the person that is doing this is being abusive.
Usually involving manipulation, gaslighting, and coercion for their benefit and gain.
Ask yourself what is their agenda behind the mistreatment?
Begin Healing The Shame Within
Stop telling the victims of domestic violence, abuse, or rape to "get over it".
Would you say that to a victim of a hit and run? Or to a person who lost their spouse by way of murder? Of course not!
That would be inconsiderate and rude.
Tell me what is different here? This mentality is damaging. Please stop.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
What good is it if you leave an abusive or unhealthy situation but still cling to the same pattern and mindset you felt within the situation?
Healing fully will require you to leave that mindset behind as well. Step out of survival/protection mode.
Begin Healing the Shame Within
If I have to beg for your love or attention, realize you just lost any & all value in my eyes. Your lack of interest does not depreciate my worth. I refuse to make deposits into an empty investment that does not provide an equal return.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
Remember,
self-approval is a singular act.
It does not require their approval.
Only yours.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
Important question of the day....
Is your mindset supporting and tending to your cycle of pain, or is it creating and encouraging a sense of peace?
BEGINHEALINGTHESHAMEWITHIN.COM
"Your struggle will end the moment you stop feeding the pain your belief & attention."
Begin Healing The Shame Within
You CANNOT love the anger and hatred out of someone.
Adding more love will not solve it.
If you try to resolve it from that mentality, you will lose in the end. It will cost you things of great value. That are irreplaceable.
What will you lose?
Your dignity, self-respect, self-trust, and peace.
The truth is no one is worth that. NO ONE.
Created & Written by: Cyndi Leahy
You create more unnecessary pain and disappointment for yourself when you choose to value another person and their needs over your own.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
ABUSE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU.
IT DEFINES THE ABUSER. AS IT IS THEIR ACTION, THEIR ANGER, THEIR UGLINESS, THEIR LACK OF SELF CONTROL, & THEIR SENSE OF UNWORTHINESS --NOT YOURS.
LET ME REPEAT THAT AGAIN, IT IS NOT YOURS! MEANING THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
"The loneliness you feel within is a sign of self abandonment. This is caused from ignoring or rejecting your own feelings. You can soothe yourself through those emotions, when you start being present in them with loving kindness. Thus, allowing your healing."
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
Begin Healing The Shame Within
Stop to reflect and ask yourself, "How much love and approval can you comfortably hold for yourself?" This will provide you insights on where your current level of self worth resides. It is time to do the inner work on increasing that level. Move that bar you had previously set.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
Never use others mistreatment, judgement, or opinions of you to be what you use as your own gauge of your sense of self worth or value. Instead, choose and set your own standards internally.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
Stop sacrificing your own joy and thriving in life to appease someone else. That is a form of self abandonment, which is too hefty of a cost at your own expense.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
Want to improve your quality of life?
Start investing your own energy & attention into unconditional love, compassion, and acceptance of self.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
BEGINHEALINGTHESHAMEWITHIN.COM
How do you handle your mistakes?
Does your inner critic show up and belittle and shame you?
Do you get caught up in ruminating over it?
Realize that doing this is self abuse. It is disheartening to your spirit. What you really need during those times , is to be able to count on yourself. Not discount or discredit yourself. Start being your own source of encouragement and self sooth your feelings of disappointment.
There is a reason why they call them toxic:
Their presence depletes your sense of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-trust.
A real confidence stealer.
You begin to think "Something is wrong with me." or "I must deserve their abuse & mistreatment."
When in reality there isn't. Their constant presence & mistreatment just poisoned your mind and spirit.
Created & Written by: Cyndi Leahy
You will never master anything in life, until you buckle down and put it into a daily practice.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
stop looking for your validation of worth through the form of attention from another.
ONLY YOU CAN FILL THAT VOID WITHIN YOURSELF. SOOTHE IT, TEND TO IT.
If you continue to seek your validation from someone outside of yourself, you will always be let down & disappointed. Realize they cannot fix that in you. Their supply of attention is only a temporary fix, not a cure! The longer you continue to try to fill that void with this pattern, the bigger the monster you are creating within. It cannot be resolved until you face it and release it.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
Stop the self-deception!!
It is NOT love if they belittle & devalue you often.
It IS manipulation & abuse. You are not grieving the loss of him or the relationship. What you are grieving is the fantasy of the potential you imagined and hoped it would be one day.
DOING THIS IS HARMING YOU ~
It was never real, it never even existed outside of your own mind. It is time you accept that.
This is destroying your sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and inner trust.
For your own sake and sanity, open your eyes to the truth of what is.
beginhealingtheshamewithin.com
Suffering only lasts as long as you continue to carry that painful belief.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
I evicted the part of me that would defend your lies and mistreatment. I realize that is on you, it always has been. That is your character flaw, not mine. Yet I strove hard to fix it and make it better. Which is not realistic.
My character was flawed as well. I was willing to ignore the truth and reality of what happened. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, instead of seeing you for whom you kept showing me that you are.
Begin Healing the Shame Within
Do not let someone else's mistreatment of you become the same mindset and level that you adapt or apply towards yourself.
Break the cycle. Choose to run your own inner narrative. Let it be one that is loving and supportive.
Begin Healing the Shame Within
BEGINHEALINGTHESHAMEWITHING.COM
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
"The world already has enough haters and beraters. What we really need is to foster and create an environment that promotes more encouragers and nurturers.
It is time we start setting the example on this."
Settling or giving in is a choice, so is being satisfied.
Choose wisely on which you decide to implement and accept for yourself.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
There is nothing more powerful or healing than the ability to self soothe your own emotions when one is faced with disappointment or pain in life.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
The journey on your path may be long, but the vision is clear and the purpose is solid. You have to stay the course if you plan to enjoy the reward.
Begin Healing The Shame within
Love is supposed to be an equal exchange of trust, respect, kindness, compassion, and peace.
It is the opposite of love when it becomes an exchange of my boundaries for your manipulation, abuse, and disrespect.
Created and Written by: Cyndi Leahy
When you find your peace and happiness within,
you will never be without.
stop seeking it from an outside source, which is only a temporary fix that leads to disappointment.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
Hold and sustain thoughts that build your belief!
I now realize the baggage of guilt & shame from your abuse & mistreatment of me, was never mine to carry.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
" When your presence in my life is only adding to my suffering, then it is time to subtract you from the equation. "
Created and written by:
Cyndi Leahy
Pain will always be a part of life. The question is, How long are you willing to suffer and struggle because of it?
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
Resilience & bravery is what is needed when you feel broken.
Stop rejecting these aspects of self.
What is needed is your acceptance, kindness, & grace.
Not judgment & criticism.
Acknowledge and be available for these parts of self that is crying out for your loving presence.
Time to show up in the same compassion you would provide for a loved one.
Doing this often provides you with that sense of peace and well-being you've been searching for.
Begin Healing The Shame Within
Their lack of love for me doesn't have to evolve and become my lack of love for me. Just because they were not available or capable does not have to equate to my not being available or capable.
I know now that I am the only one who needs to tend and care for my emotional needs.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
Welcome To My House
Welcome, in my house:
We love unconditionally
We pray earnestly
We invest heavily in hope and faith
We shield ourselves in peace & grace
We carry our joy forward & unpack it right where we are
We share our joy generously with those around us
We encourage each others dreams
We nurture each other with kindness
We forgive & forget offenses quickly
We listen with a heart of compassion and speak with tenderness
This is our family, our house rules
We treat it as the blessing it is & act accordingly
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
"There is a place deep within each and every one of us that is in need of love & acceptance.
How are you showing up to soothe and fulfill that need?
This will only continue until you realize that NO ONE else can fill that emptiness for you.
It is purely an inside job.
A need only YOU can fulfill and satisfy.
Begin Healing the Shame Within
Written by: Cyndi Leahy
Make no mistake, nothing and no one in life is perfect. Accept that it is actually what you considered your flaws and weaknesses, that make you whole. As it is within the depths of what you endure and survive that fully reveal your character, strength, and true beauty.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
I will not allow my abusers voice or narrative to take residence in my own mind.
I will not let my own inner voice become filled with that harsh inner judge or critic who is abusive or hateful towards myself.
I will not partake in any form of abandonment or abuse of me.
It cannot take root here.
So be it.
"If you never have the courage to explore your own potential, you will never live a life of fulfillment & delight. "
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
"When they no longer value you, or put equal effort into you or the relationship, then the time has come to cut your losses. In order to save your own sanity and soul!"
Created and written by:
Cyndi Leahy
Unlearn the patterns that you have, which make you feel like you also have to be cruel and harsh toward yourself.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
You are doing yourself a huge disservice when you accept and use someone else's treatment of you as a determining factor of your own worth or value. No one is expelling their anger towards you because "It's who you are," or because "It's what you deserve." They are clearly showing you what they hold and harbor inside of their own heart and mind. As a person can only express themselves via their words, their actions, and their behavior, according to what lives within them. So tell me again, how this supposedly speaks or defines you or your value? Oh wait, that's right, it doesn't!
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
How are you showing up for yourself in regards to self care & compassion?
Are you consistent with that?
Nothing feels more satisfying than meeting your own needs. Go ahead, give it a go.
Created & written by:
Cyndi Leahy
Despite what you may feel in the moment, know that you are still worthy and loved.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
Stop being so loyal & available to those who abuse you. Instead, start being loyal to your damn self.
Be present by showing up for your wellbeing & peace.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
Do not let your feelings diminish or impact your sense of
self- worth or value.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
You deserve kindness & love.
Not anger or hatred.
All of your relationships should be based on that.
Begin Healing The Shame Within
Thankful to know that I am lovable just as I am right now.
My value is always present.
As we are ALL imperfectly perfect.
"I now have now set myself free from that painful pattern and aspect of me."
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
I apologize for abandoning my needs & my self worth to continually appease & please someone who can never be satified by any amount of effort I put forth. I also apologize to myself for not recognizing this sooner.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
We need to teach our children that tolerating cruel behavior and mistreatment simply because you love someone is NOT okay!
That is manipulation & abuse.
It is NOT love, nor is that normal behavior.
Love is mutually shared respect, kindness, consideration, and trust.
Which is equally given to BOTH parties.
Love is Not something we have to "earn."
beginhealintheshamewithin.com
If you want to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma bonds, one first must be courageous enough to do the dirty work by going within, and facing the pain, so it can be transformed & released.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
My cruelest mistake was in loving & valuing someone else more than loving & honoring my own spirit.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
Instead of spending your energy running the internal narrative that is opposing your belief in your ability, how about you spend that same mental energy on convincing yourself on how & why you are able to do so.
As both are equally available.
Isn't it time you became your own source of support?
Imagine how that could impact your outcome, by investing in that mentality.
You cannot function from a place of peace & wholeness when you are too busy collecting all the shattered broken pieces that were left behind.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
"Relax! You are already enough, just as you are."
Pain brings us discomfort to spur us into a new direction to make necessary changes.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
Conditions in and of themselves, do not limit your potential or outcomes. It is your mindset or stance on the conditions that do.
Created and written by : Cyndi Leahy
Remember everyone, yes everyone makes several mistakes each & every day. That is a fact. Stop being so judgemental and critical of yourself. It is best to show yourself some grace & compassion. As the only thing judgement grows is your own sense of doubt & insecurty, &the only thing criticism will ever grow, is a sense of I am not enough.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
Watch your internal dialogue
Begin Healing The Shame Within
Your "Yeah but," statements are red flags.
These are the are areas in which your excuses not only gaslight yourself but also cause you to abandon yourself.
Yeah, but he was drunk...
Yeah, but he did not mean it...
Yeah, but he promised not to do it again..
Yeah, but I was too sensitive...
Yeah, but I set him off...
Yeah, but I love him, so I cant leave....
All are bullshit statements that enable his behavior and your acceptance of them.
This mindset is what keeps preventing you from having healthy boundaries and expectations.
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WITHIN
If you are looking to protect your peace & well-being, suit up often with the armor of love, compassion, grace, and faith.
It is from the accumulation of the daily self let downs, you know, those areas in life where you do not follow through, that diminish you. It builds up a sense of frustration and disappointment that weighs down your spirit. Making it hard to have that self trust and respect you long for. If you want to feel better, you need to honor and commit to all of your own inner promises that you have been previously neglecting.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
Don't be so willing to see the best in others at your own expense. Those blinders prevent you from seeing their true intentions, which leaves you open and vulnerable to manipulation.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
In order to be free, you have to let your belief in that pain die.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
Lack of boundaries will have you stuck In a cycle of :
~Self-sacrificing
~People pleasing
~Staying in unhealthy or toxic relationships
~not speaking up or standing up for oneself
~accepting less than what you deserve
~being uncomfortable or displeased to avoid confrontation
BEGIN HEALING THE SHAME WTHIN
MOST PEOPLE WOULD FARE BETTER IN LIFE IF THEY ACCEPTED & SEEN THE TRUE REALITY OF THEIR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, INSTEAD OF THEIR KINDER FAIRYTALE VERSION THAT THEY IMAGINED AND WISHED IT TO BE.
CREATED & WRITTEN BY: CYNDI LEAHY
Choose To Rise
Rise above the fear & chaos
Rise above the insults & criticism
Rise above their misplaced judgement
Rise above their distain
Rise above the need to take on their destructive attitudes & mentality
Rise above the limitations they try to place upon you
Rise above the need to have someone else validate your own worth & value
Rise above the need to take their opinion about you as a fact or truth
Rise above the need to abandon yourself for the sake of others
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
The people in your life are meant to add to your joy, not drain or deplete it from you.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
Don't let opinions & ideas change me. Instead, learn to change my opinions & ideas.
Created and written by: Cyndi Leahy
One cannot embody anger and love simultaneously. Always choose the energy that feels the best and provides your relief in any given situation. Instead of submitting to the feelings that are most common or familar to you.
Created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
A Promise To Myself
Starting today, I choose me!
I choose my inner peace over your chaos
I choose my kindness over your criticism
I choose my love over your hatred
I choose my freedom over your limitation
I choose my joy over your anger
I choose my laughter over your ridicule
I choose my well being over your dis-ease
I choose my truth over your lies
I choose my wholeness over your brokeness
I choose my clarity over your distortions
I choose my faith over your deceit
I choose my certainty over your skepticism
Quote created & written by: Cyndi Leahy
All things in life that are tended to, nurtured and loved will grow. Especially your thoughts and feelings. Be very selective with this.